dear xx,

the only person i've lived as is myself, and that goes for everyone. in a world where what's “right” isn’t defined but just a collection of our individual experiences and subjective feelings, how do we know what the “right” thing to do is? it was a question i was always curious about but found too complicated to answer — right and wrong isn’t always a one way road. one particular situation helped me come to a conclusion.

it was when a friend expressed that they weren’t satisfied with how much i shared about myself. of course, we knew all about each other’s character, stories, and dreams just as friends usually do. but there were also things that i kept to myself. i valued the space to reflect on my values, beliefs, and individuality without being swayed by the opinions of others — even loved ones. i wanted to become someone who could see the world in multiple dimensions. someone who could recognize the biases that originated from our backgrounds and circumstances, acknowledge them, and put in steady effort to address them. someone who could see the beauty in the diversity this planet nurtured and consequently, treat it with respect. that was the kind of person i loved and wanted to be. in my perspective, the extent to which my friend hoped i would share was oversharing. i asked myself time and time again about whether my idea of sharing was too conservative, and whether it was right for me to set boundaries with a friend who simply wanted to build a deeper connection. 

to answer the broad question of what “right” meant, i found that i also had to understand what good friendship meant. to me, good friendship was one where friends could embrace one another despite their differences and flaws, accept the boundaries and space each needed without resentment, and respect each other’s values and beliefs. if one side couldn’t bear this distance, it was best that the tie be severed although nobody was at fault for their contrasting definition of good friendship.

but if i’m too rigid with my definitions, how can i ever be open and reflective? again, was i being too unyielding? i knew that being willing and able to thoughtfully digest the opinions of others was essential, because it was the only way we could escape our one-sided perspective and grow to become more humble, compassionate individuals. it was also why i thought finding an answer to anything was so difficult, because at what point should we be stern with our thoughts or open to new feedback? this is where i came back to my broad first question: how can we ever come to a conclusion about our definitions and choices?

after days in thought, someone told me this: if a decision is made out of love — whether it be for others or for yourself — it’s the right decision.

to such a difficult question was an unexpectedly simple, and paradoxically flawed and perfect answer. i say flawed because the questions i could ask about this answer could, again, go on and on. but i also say perfect, because the right decision would always come from good intentions. 

so the tie was severed. although i lost that person, not sharing everything was my way of loving the world without clouded perception, and that was more important to me. in turn, loving the world helped me love myself as well. 

when you don’t know between right and wrong, what do you do?

love xx